A-Z Suicides: Chastity Smith

Of all the suicides I have planned for this month so far, it’s this one that I’m most unsure of its reception. In addition to the usual warning of suicide and depression that will blanket this month, I also wish to warn you that this story will be unfavorable to anyone who does not like to see religion portrayed in a negative light.

I just want to give a disclaimer that I do not condone any of the behavior, narrator’s or her parents’, in this story. I also do not believe that religion, Christianity specifically, is always like that. I am, however, aware that there are some individuals out there who would take their beliefs to this level, and beyond, because that is what their interpretation of the Bible tell them to. This story was more inspired by the dark side of religious orders, and the catch-22 of suffering from depression under such an order (God’s love should be enough to cure you! You can’t admit you’re feeling these feelings, or be seen in a light of shame, but the only other escape is also a sin. You’re trapped, and will lose your bid for heaven either way). I do not personally believe it should be like this, but I’ve met many people who do see it this way, and for that I am sad.

Anyway, if you don’t find the content of this short story an off-put, then I hope you enjoy it, and will stick around for my continuing journey through the heart and mind of the suicidal teen!

 

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I have ended the life of one of Your precious creations prematurely.

I am sorry for my transgressions, but I am sure You will understand my reasons. It was a creature who is made better through her death. A pitiful creatures who was already withering under the blinding light of Your glory. Therefore, please see that I was not doing so out of malice. I did so out of pity. Because of this, I pray that You will give reprise to her poor soul once she is in Your arms.

I am sure You know all about the pain she has suffered in this world. She tried to be a good girl, she really did. But, Your plan for her just did not seem to include giving her a break. Her prayers always got jumbled at dinner. Her gown tangled underfoot as she tried to acolyte. She spilled the wine on her pretty new dresses during communion. And, I am sure You did not see it as and big issue, in Your infinite knowledge and glory. Your children, however, are not always so knowledgeable.

The poor creature could find no peace from her suffering. Could they not see that her embarrassment was punishment enough? Could they not see that she was sorry, that it was an accident? That she was only human, and therefore made mistakes? No, they could only see how imperfect she was, how ungodly an image she portrayed in her posture. They yelled at her, sent her to bed without dinner. They made her feel so small. So worthless. So unworthy of the love she was told you held for all…

But, she tried, Father. Oh, she tried. She did everything she was told. She didn’t stay after school with the children her parents considered heathen. She held fast to the teachings her family gave her, even when she knew they were wrong. She tried to be a good Christian…a good daughter…a good girl… And, she was alone. But, she smiled through the pain. As long as she had God and Jesus by her side, what use were friends? What use was happiness…

But it was never enough. No matter what good she did on her own, she always managed to make some mistake in their eyes. She was never good enough. She would never be good enough. No, not ever, not to them. She began to wonder, what use was it to them to have a daughter when she was such a disappointment to behold? Perhaps…perhaps if she could not do anything right, she would do one final wrong, in order to free them from their disappointment forever. She would commit one final sin, in order to end her own suffering.

Father, I ask that You forgive me, as I slip this rope around my neck. I did my best to be good in Your eyes, but I guess that is not enough in this world. If you cannot be perfect, what use are you to the world at all? I pray that You will welcome me into Your arms as I pass through Your glorious gates. But, I do not blame you if you turn me away. I am sure my hideous soul will have already decided that long before this final mistake manifested in my head.

Amen…

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Pig Week: Reality

This is another story that kind of came out of nowhere. It some ways, though, it’s a classic, so it’s only natural it come up on my blog at some point: the fantasy story existing only within someone’s head. And, who better to be the one to create the world but the one who fusses over making it as perfect as possible for the ones he cares about? There’s a lot of things that inspired this, but I think the biggest is just the simple escapist mentality of the writer, as well as almost anyone else who has half a mind to make up stories when they’re upset. So, I hope you enjoy, and that I didn’t mess it up too badly. Finally, until next year, happy pig week, and I hope you enjoy the remainder of Fanfic Month, which will hopefully get better since I’m not limited to Vaughn/Sokola and pig stories.

Also, one more note for anyone who isn’t me or Sabrina, Sokola’s birth name was Cassidy, in case you’re wondering where the goddaughter came from. I thought that name was more realistic for a real-world story than Sokola.

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Pig Week: Daddy

I can;t remember where this idea came from. But, some depressingly horrible thought in my head decided to explore what Vaughn’s life would have been like if he never met Aria, and Sokola was the only family he ever had. Overall, I don’t think much changed, since most of the story was based on real moments in the genesis Vaughn and Sokola Daddy/Daughterdom. I do think it made Vaughn a lot more depressing, and a heck of a lot more lonely, since he didn’t have his girlfriend/pet to turn to for advice, and to cheer him up when things were difficult. It isn’t evident in this story, but it may have possibly made their relationship grow faster, without Daddy’s overly-proper girl getting in the way of playtime…and also, maybe, made Sokola’s little Electra complex worse, since there wouldn’t have been the competition. Regardless, I think this story ended up adorable, if not kind of depressing. I hope you enjoy it, and are ready for the lest Pig Week post tomorrow, whenever I finish it!

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Pig Week: A Rocky Reunion

Continuing from yesterday, I decided to write what happened next, thanks to the mix-up with Aria’s unwelcome match. I have to admit, this scene is one I’m looking forward to writing for real someday. It’ll be wonderful to get to it, and know all the major conflicts are over for them. That doesn’t mean there lives are perfect, mind you, but the problems after this are mostly doable. Mostly.

Anyway, as to be expected, having Sokola there added an extra layer of fin to this scene, and fixed a couple of problems Wren encounters in the real version. Specifically, making sure they get home while Mama’s reconnecting with Daddy. *wink wink* Enjoy the story, everyone! And I look forward to seeing you the last 2 days of the week.

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Pig Week: A Long-Awaited Seach

This story is interesting for me, because while I wrote it, it’s also helping me flesh out something that’s actually going to happen in my novel. Sans-Sokola, of course, but most of it still happens the same or similarly to how it happens here. There will be some small changes, and the whole thing will take a little longer without Sokola’s interference, bu the end result will be the same. So, enjoy! I haven’t decided yet, but maybe tomorrow will be a continuation?

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Pig Week: Happy birthday, Vaughn, Sokola, and Abbi!

Happy Pig Day,everyone (I have 10 minutes, so this is totally on time)! And, as anyone who may have been around for Pig Week last year, you know that this is the birthday of a few of my friend and my characters, as well as the first day of Pig Week, where we celebrate the adorable-ness of our favorite little piggy father-and-daughter duo. Totally not taking the idea from Sabrina’s first post of the week (I’m sorry, hon.I’ll be more original for the other 6 days), here’s the story of how Vaughn celebrated him birthday eve!

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My Haunting Choose-Your-Own-Adventure!

Hello, everyone. As I mentioned in my New Year’s post, my friend and I are doing a challenge to write your own Choose Your Own Adventure this month. I’m almost a week in, and although I can’t really see the ending happening any time soon, I don’t care! This story is going to be a monster of a program, so I’ll be happy if I get just one major path finished (I have a few minor path done, but they’re minor paths where very little action happens, so I don’t really count them). I figure I’ll give a little description of the story, since it’s going to take up so much of my time for the month, and because it’s one of Sabrina and my monthly writing challenges that isn’t posted on my blog, like the A-Z challenge was, and like the Haiku-a-day challenge will be. So, give me your comments on my idea, maybe some constructive criticism or advice, and I’ll post an update on how I did and a link to the story at the end of the month. 🙂

The story’s working title is “Not Quite Abandoned,” though I want to try to change the title at some point. I had a story idea a few years back about three siblings who move into an old house, only to discover that it’s being used as a hotel/sanctuary for displaced spirits. I wanted it to be a point-and-click video game, with pictures and mini-games and everything, but I have no programming knowledge, so the only way that’ll ever happen is if someone magically finds this blog and thinks my CYOA is good enough for them to spend time creating it for me. I also tried making a roleplay based off of it, but it flopped. So, I’m glad that it’s getting new life through this challenge.

For this month, I’m focusing on the oldest sister of the family, Melissa. She’s 16, and is a bit of a mother figure to her siblings, while her parents go through a sort of midlife crisis. Her life in the new house becomes complicated, however, when one of the spirits in the house begin to alternately attack and flirt with her. She discovers through her investigations of her room and the spirit that she looks exactly like one of the former residents of the house, Josephine, whom the spirit, Victor, had been attracted to and accidentally killed. Victor, however thinks that Josephine abandoned him, and is out for answers and revenge. Victor’s a bit of a nutcase, though I’m unsure how far I’ll push his insanity. I originally wanted options that would lead to Victor killing Melissa, but I’m not sure if I want to go through with those.

The “true path” (or, the path that will correspond with what happens to her both of her siblings’ stories) will be for her to investigate the haunting of her room on her own. I haven’t decided how to end that path yet, but it will definitely involve Melissa being alive, happy, and safe in her own home some way or another. Some of the other paths I have at the moment, though involve Melissa and her brother teaming up to investigate, her brother secretly investigating on his own, and Melissa breaking her arm which is going to somehow or another derail the storyline, since Melissa will be more physically limited.

If I can finish Melissa’s entire storyline without pulling out my hair, I’ll make storylines for her brother, Erik, and her sister, Annie. Erik’s will involve a spirit named Jezabelle, who is was Victor’s sister and is also the one who made the house a home for the homeless ghosts. His story will also be the one that includes a great majority of the “guest” spirits, though I may find a way to include a few in Lissa’s story, as well. Their youngest sister, Annie, will have a much simpler story, where she befriends a little ghost boy who hang out by the lake. Unlike Jeza and Victor, Daniel is not related to the family who built the house. He drowned in the lake on the property, and is extremely shy about speaking to anyone, since he wasn’t supposed to be near the lake when he dies, in the first place.

Well, wish me luck! I’ll post a reflection of this month’s challenge, as well as a link to try out whatever I managed to complete, at the end of the month. If you’re interested in playing through my adventure, please leave a comment below, and I’ll leave you a reply to tell you when I post it for the public. I don’t want to post it now, since it’s mostly dead ends right now. I will take any comments on your opinion of what I’ve described to you, though. I just ask that you please be respectful. This is just something fun that I’m trying to do, so I don’t expect it to be a masterpiece; just having a half-decent and somewhat interesting adventure done by the end of the month will be enough of an accomplishment from me, and seeing people becoming interested in it would make my day! See you later.